Fearing for my life!
Wednesday was a good day last week…The evening wasn’t so great. But the day was grand!
Went into sixth form in the morning and met Harriet. We pratted about for a bit. Well I did, and she actually did some work! And then we went for a mooch around Halifax. Good times, really. Had a look in New Look, and there are a few nice things in there. Then Harriet went to catch the bus at about noon to go to see the new Harry Potter flick. Jealous much!
I wasn’t meeting Jon til gone three so had a bit of a wander around town, bugged Wayne in work for a little bit; chatting about things he probably had no interest in! Hahaha. Never mind. It was good nonetheless. The weather was quite strange. You know what I mean? When its raining one minue and then brilliant sunshine the next? I had no umbrella so just kept my fingers securely crossed for those few hours. Fortuneately I think it worked as it eventually decided to brighten up and stay dry. Whey!
Met Jon at about three. Fool that I am sticks her hand out for a handshake. Bad move, Jess. Oops. Never mind. Jon’s pretty decent. Went for a drink, and then got the bus up to his. Right. I have to say this. But feel quite bad been so public about my thoughts. But I’m sorry, love, you live in a shit hole. Like it’d be a decent place if you actually cleaned up! Eurgh! Maybe I’m being a snob about cleanliness, but I could never live like that. And I’m not sure what went on with that film, but I really didn’t get it. I sound so stuck up! But seriously man. We have to disagree on something! And tickling me? Not appreciated. And I assure you that I will fight back if you try it again. Ok? Other than my few comments, I enjoyed spending time with you love.
Got home for half 7. Thats where things went down hill. Pretty much it ended with me leaving home, and crying more than I ever have in my entire life. So I’ll spare you the details. But I’m ok now. Thanks to the support I have gotten from my dear friends.
Add comment July 23, 2009 jezzgaa
My summer “to do” list…
I have agess to go before I start uni in september…so I really need to fill out my time. I will hopefully be doing this constructively, rather than spending thenext 2 months or so sitting eating gallons of ice cream and wasting my life on msn, I think I should set myself some goals to complete this summer.
So. Seeing as if I don’t do this, I will be extremly skint, I aim to work more hours and save up some money. I need to do so much to prepare for university. I need to buy so many things, to pray alot for results, to pack, to sort out my accomodation and student loan…SO MANY THINGS!! Grim. What am I going to do? Hmmm… There is so much more to going to university than just getting grades!
I also want to meet Chris and get to know him! Eeeeeeee!! I am so excited about this. Cannot wait. Mmmmmmm. Wow! I am officially tapped in the head. This is what comes eating too much ice cream and cabbage. So…umm. Sorry, folks! Yes. Back to the matter at hand. Chris. Mmmmmm.. Can’t wait!!!
I need to spend time with my friends. I may not see these people for a while, so I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Especially Harriet, Becca, Alex and James. I am going to miss these guys.
What else? Hmmm. I want to enjoy this summer. So I am going to spend as little time at home as humanly possibly. want to go see things and places. I want to see the new Harry Potter film (*I can almost hear you shouting “Geek!!”*), and Ice Age 3. I love Ice Age. Good timesss. I want to go to the park, and lie on fake stone henge with my sister. I want to go wild and do crazy stuff like eat crayons with Jon (heck yeahhhh).
And finally, I want to remember this as the last summer I have had before I have to grow up and act maturely. So eexpect some crazy posts arriving here.
JezzGaa…over and out.
Add comment July 12, 2009 jezzgaa
Chris….
Ok..This is more of a requested post than one I would normally write. I tend to go off on one about a specific topic, instead here I am going to write up my project. Hahaha…I have been finding out all about someone new; named Chris. Sometimes by chatting about things we like, and sometimes by holding more of an interrogation than a friendly conversation! Good times.
So here, Sir, is what I currently know about you, midear.
Firtly, can I just say that while writing this I am listening to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. So Chris, when you read this, listen to it. It will help develop your understanding of why I like classical music so much; truely an amazing piece of music. 
I know that at some time in your life you played recorder (I am going to guess that was a primary school thing!), you had a go at xylophone (why oh why??) and guitar. I know that you can sing. I am going to hazard a guess that you can sing fairly well, or at least could at some point. And I hope that you will sing for me…you better!!
So music taste. You like realy similar music to me. Or rather, I like the music you like, plus hundreds of other artists you have probably not heard of. But that is because I am a muso; a music geek. You will find that you can deal with my outbursts better with time. Along with the rest of my millions of bad habits!
You like lostprophets and linkkin park…which is good…Very good. You don’t really lke Lionel Richie; but I’m sure I can eventually change you round to my way of thinking! And you like Stevie Wonder. Which gives you huuuuge brownie points! Seriously. And you like Nina Simone; or what you have heard of her. Seeing as at the moment these are three artists that I like onto the point of obsession, you’re not doing so badly.
With regards to jazz you like Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald. This means you are doing well so far; I love them! Hee hee..Please look forward to my terrible rendition of Mama come home. It is amazingly awful!
When asked about new music, you had no clue, and had to cheat and look it up. But at least you like some decent stuff of what you found. And Florence and the Machine gig…woop! We are hopefully going. Yessss! Just do’t let me down from this high baby!
Moving onto the very important topic of comedy. Five favourite comedians? Russell Howard (who you have met!!! SOOOOOO JEALOUSSS!!) Jack Dee, Jimmy Carr, Lee Evans and Frankie Boyle. Honey. You have an amazing sense of humour. You liked Demetri Martin and Flight of the Conchords too when I decided to force my taste upon you. Cool beans. Very cool beans…in fact frozen beans. Eeeeeeee.
Moving onto television. You watch Mock the week, Never mind the buzzcocks and Have I got News for You. A fan of Family guy (which I must say, I really don’t get how it is funny!) and Eastenders (possibly beaten out of you!). And like Doctor Who. And David Tennant. Probably not for the same reason I like him, but you know, s’all good. You don’t watch House which officially makes you an idiot. But do love CSI. Which also officially makes you perfect. A perfect idiot, midear…niiiiice.
Your favourite films are Philadelphia and Green Mile….I luuuurrrrvvvee Green Mile! And haven’t seen the other, so that is a must do for the future. You don’t care that I love Finding Nemo..you will care soon. Hee hee. Mwah!
Hee hee. You think the Lady Gaga video of her Poker Face thing is funny! (GSOH!!) and can I just take this time to say “Rawr rawr… *leg up* Ching ching!!” Sweeet.
And seriously, I can definitely get used to being told I am wonderful. I promise you that. You will have to make some kind of recording of all your compliments so I can play them back when you’re not talking with me!
Hmmm… know things you like. And I feel like I know things about you that make you yourself. Your insecurities, your quips and your kindness. The fact that you are Mr. Legal-and-good…Bar the silly mistake. You have a beautiful daughter who you would do anything for.
I know all of this, and yet I know there is so much more to learn. So prepare for more interrogation sometime soon. Because, baby, I have barely skimmed the surface on my new project. xxx
Add comment July 9, 2009 jezzgaa
Growing Up #2
One evening after school, my dad picked us up from school and asked if we would like to meet his new girlfriend. By this point I had gotten used to having two seperate parents, and couldn’t find any reason to say no.
His new girlfriend, Helen, was in his house when we got there. She cooked soup in a huge cauldron-type thing, and had laid the table. She seemed so kind. She told us about going on a trip to disney land if we wanted to. She was our new best friend. Helen stayed the night. So did we. She made us breakfast in the morning, and then took us to school so that my dad could go straight to work. Looking back, that seems such a strange thing for a parent to suggest: “Hey! My children barely know you. Why don’t you take them for a drive?” I’m sorry, but if I ever have children, I wouldn’t do anything like that. We didn’t care at the time, I just don’t think it was right.
We met Helen a few times, and she started taking us to ballet on a Saturday morning with my dad. She would help us struggle into tights and leotards, amd slip on our ballet pumps, and then wait around for our lessons to finish. It became a Saturday morning tradition for the four of us to pack up to the ballet studio; while my sister had her lesson, I would traipse down into Bolton town centre with my dad and Helen and we would go shopping. Then afterwards, when it was my lesson, the 3 of them would go into town.
Add comment July 7, 2009 jezzgaa
Growing up #1
I didn’t have the best childhood. No, thats a lie. I thought I had an amazing childhood until I was about seven years old. I went to a lovely primary school, my mammy and daddy cared alot about me, and I had friends. I was clever; I skipped ahead with my reading and maths and was praised alot for doing what I cared about.
It was a bright summers day that changed my life. My parents before that day were sleeping in seperate bedrooms, but when you are so young you take everything in your stride, and never realise that anything could be wrong. My parents sat me on the sofa, mam next to me and dad sat cross legged on the floor looking up at me. Everything started so happy, them telling me how much they loved me and my sister; something that I already knew. And the way they told me didn’t make me realise that it was such a bad thing. “You’ll have two homes. It will be like a holiday every week”. And then daddy moved out.
I didn’t see him for a few months, I can’t say I really noticed, to be quite honest. I now know that in that time he was fighting to see my sister and I. My mam stopped us from seeing him, but as soon as she got some money, we were swept into his car and taken to see his new place. In Rochdale. Miles away from home. Whenever we stayed we slept on camp beds; creaky things that liked to snap shut in the middle of the night with us inside! For the first few years I prayed that my parents would get back together so that we could be a happy family again. I can’t say that we WERE ever a happ la-di-dar ho-hum family. My daddy was always at work; leaving before we got up, and getting home just as we were going to bed. But when you’re that age you think that your mam and dad should just be together, regardless. Because thats what happens in all of the story books. And then they all walk off into the sunset. The End.
They didn’t get back together. In fact they drifted further and further apart. You see some divorced or seperated parents who still get “for the kid’s sake”. My parents weren’t those parents. Nor were they the ones who hated each other, but whispered there arguments while the children were upstairs. My parents were the parents who had full scale arguments in the middle of the street. Screamed death threats and suicidal thoughts at each other. Through knives, and once a wall paper stripper, at each other. My parents were those parents.
Add comment July 7, 2009 jezzgaa
“Whenever something good happens to me…..
I wait 2 weeks before telling anyone. Because I like to use the word “fortnight”. “- Demetri Martin
Two weeks ago I had my final physics exam. Meaning I never ever have to look or think about physics ever again! E-V-E-R!!! Woohoo!
I’d wait two days to tell you about the end of my a-level exams (finished 12 days ago) so I could use the word fortnight again. But may as well tell you now, eh?
Well I did exams for music: figured bass, listening and anthology. Figured bass seemed to go quite well. Listening…meh. And anthology- well it went REALLY well! I love anthology! I’m hoping for full marks on that paper!
Three physics exams could be graded on the scale from “meh” to “DID YOU EVEN STUDY THIS COURSE???”
But never mind, eh? Lets all now pray for good results!
Add comment June 30, 2009 jezzgaa
Been a busy weekend really….
Well. On friday my girlfriend, Ray, actually broke up with me. Her reasoning being that I don’t love her, and she loves me too much. I won’t submit to her, apparently, which means I don’t respect her. And I moan about being tired. Despite the fact that I have been getting only a couple of hours kip a night. They don’t seem like real reasons to me, but it wasn’t really open for discussion, at all. She rang me, blurted all the crap out, and then put the phone down. Cheers love! And she won’t answer when I try to call her back. A tad pathetic, but who am I to judge?
Also on friday. I found out that my friends ex had been bitching about her, and generlly bragging about things, unfortunately they hadn’t actually done these things! Saying that slept together and his friend called her a “fat bitch”. However, Harriet is about as far from “fat” as they come! And although we do like a good gossip, she is certainly NOT a bitch! I think its pathetic that these losers think they can judge her this way. I’m actually quite angry about it!
I think thats it for friday. OK. Saturday. I got up at about half 8, got washed and dressed, had breakfast and then went and weeded the garden. It was quite warm and my dad asked me to do it. So I didn’t mind. Helen acted like the usual bitch she is. I hate her so much. Beyond hate. And I know that sounds so adolescent, but you have NO idea how strong that feeling is!
I went to Harriets for a barbecue on saturday afternoon. We chilled out all day drinking blue “antifreeze” WKD, went through nearly a full packet of pringles, and watched videos on youtube. Good times. Later on we went over to the park across the road with the kids, and Harriet nearly killed herself on her brothers bike! I love spending time with her family. They’re brilliant.
Sunday was pretty uneventful, really. Did some washing, hung it outside, naturally it chucked it down with rain the second I went back indoors!
I think that was it, really. I also found a new chat site last night and made some new friends. Started talking to a girl who lives in Dewsbury too. She seems really nice. Don’t think we’ll meet up, but it was nice to talk.
1 comment June 29, 2009 jezzgaa
The reason for feeling tired…
I have already explained some of my realtionship with Ray. Its not very common, and comfortable; what we have. We don’t go out together. I don’t see her alot duringthe day. And she hasn’t met any of my friends, likewise, I haven’t met hers either. She is a lovely girl, but she is draining me, and this is why.
She insists upon seeing me every single day, and due to both of our hectic and clashing schedules, that happens to be every night. Also, its not like we can just nip to each others house, as I live in Halifax, and she lives in Heywood. Miles apart. And so, every night once she has finished work, she picks me up and we either go back to hers or just go for a drive, or one time we just went and sat in the park together. Also, every time I see her, we have sex. Whether that be in her room, in her car, in the park, wherever. Everytime I see. Everytime.
I may have mentioned Rays interest in BDSM before. Its quite frightening for me. I like her. Alot. And I don’t mind playing about; a pair of handcuffs, bit of domination, but nothing serious. And yet, gradually, I am finding myself submitting more and more to her. I should probably clear upwhat that means a little better.
I mean, like, she will tell me to kneel up and I will. She will tie a blindfold around my eyes and I won’t tell her to stop. She’ll restrict my movements and I’ll not resist. She tells me to do something. And I damn well do it. I’m not frightened of her. I’m not frightened of what will happen if I don’t obey, she has a temper, but she’s stil wuite a reasonable person. And yet I still do it. But why? I suppose I just want to please her and satisfy her evry desire. Well. That sounds alot soppier than I could have wanted! I don’t love her. I love the idea of her, I love being with her, I love the sex with her, But I don’t love HER. The thought of ever falling in L-O-V-E frightens me beyond any kind of logical reasoning. She tells me that she loves me, and I just smile. It makes me feel like a bitch. But I could never lie to her. Never.
Add comment June 26, 2009 jezzgaa
Racing ducks
Yesterday, the music dept held a “duck race” at a students family farm. The actual duck race consisted of putting 200 plastic ducks into a river and seeing which would get to the end first! Seriously. You don’t get much more fun than this!
It being a music event, there were also performances from certain students; including the folk ensemble “Folk on Fire”, a duet from from Gemma and Danny, and the A Level students performed two songs together. We, being the A Level students, played “Fly me to the moon” first. Our arrangement of it consists of a slow opening of the first verse with only piano (played by me) and Harriet singing. That is followed by an instrumental with drums (Alex), piano (still me), bass guitar (Lucie- not A Level, but the actual A Level bassist didn’t attend the event) and clarinet (James). Its quite a good piece and I love it! Our second song was the Britney Spears “classic” “Gimme More”. In this, Hariet played guitar and sings the main melody, James took over on the bass, Alex played the djembe and I sang backing harmonies. This is our acoustic “unplugged” version. And it was also our final EVER performance together! Sad times, really. I’m going to miss these guys so much.
Although, the highlight of the evening for me was definately the crazy quirky things that happened throughout the day. A member of staff wandering round with an advert for Jacket potatoes taped to her back (and yes she knew). Setting up the 2 gazebos (one for music, the other for food) and being paid in cans of coke! Taking my shoes off and then wandering up to the house with bare feet (there were lots of stones! Ouch!). And getting a free jacket potato with chilli on it. Its all about free food, people!
But most importantly. This evening was about saying goodbye to my time in sixth form and mainly to the music department that I have practically lived in for the past 2 years. I’m going to miss them.
Add comment June 26, 2009 jezzgaa
I bet he “moonwalk”ed to his grave..
And so. At 21:26pm 25th June Mr. Michael Jackson passed away. Cardiac arrest they say. Such an energetic man, gifted with the ability to dance. sing and to dress in such an iconic fashion has laid down to eternal rest, aged 50.
I can’t say I know very much about this man. I know only of his music, a little of the publicity surrounding him, I know of his famous dance skills and a little of his family. I know there has been lots of bad press surrounding him of late, and of course his love of plastic surgery; putting himself through such agony. But I don’t know anymore than we are told. I couldn’t tell you what his favourite food was, his favourite track, if he supported a sports team, or what the first record he bought was .
So all I will do is to wish his family well, to offer a tissue to you crying fans and say: R.I.P Michael Jackson. Rest well. You deserve it.
Add comment June 26, 2009 jezzgaa
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